Being in a relationship is mostly good, but, sometimes, you may find that you’re losing yourself in it as you compromise and capitulate in an effort to maintain harmony. While it may seem easier in the short run to give in to your partner’s unreasonable demands or quell your own desires to maintain the status quo, in the long term it is going to leave you with feelings of resentment and frustration. Here are some rules that will help you live by your own terms in your relationship.
Say it like it is
Stop pussyfooting around him and voice your opinions loud and clear even if you know that he’s going to disagree or throw a tantrum. You are an adult in a relationship of equals and he should know that you are going to be vocal about issues that matter to you, whether it’s your political differences or the issues you face as a couple. .
Have sex on your terms
We are not asking you to be selfish, but you should be able to say “no” to your partner when you don’t want to have sex. Do not get pressurised into sleeping with him because he expects it or because you are afraid of hurting his feelings. Have sex when you both want it.
Cut out the fakeness
Portraying yourself as someone you’re not is not just deceitful, it also puts you under a huge strain of having to be fake all the time. How long will you be able to maintain the pretence? It’s a better idea to show him what you are, warts and all—your relationship will be the stronger for it.
Be financially independent
Let’s face it. Nothing secures your independence like your own stable income. It will be far easier for you to hold your own in a relationship when you know that you are not dependent on your partner for money and can take decisions for your own good unilaterally.
Don’t buy into his version of you
Know your self-worth. Just because he says you are “emotionally unbalanced,” “too sensitive” or “angry” it doesn’t mean that your emotional needs and outbursts don’t matter. You do not need to internalise his beliefs about you.